Viewpoint—Our children are like a garden

OUR CHILDREN ARE LIKE A GARDEN
Thank you to Lynn B. for permission to reprint this personal viewpoint.

When the new plants first sprout out of the ground, they don’t appear to require much tending. To grow, the little plants need plenty of water and sunshine. The soil in which they grow needs to be tilled, hoed, raked, and weeded.

In the beginning, mom and dad work the garden together, hoeing and raking.

Soon mom objects to the manner in which dad is raking. The work looks easy, and she feels that she could do a better job. She doesn’t need dad.

Her friends advise her that a publicly funded legal-aid lawyer is available to help her remove dad from the garden.

She and tax-funded lawyer go before a publicly funded judge who tells dad that he can only rake in the garden every second weekend (if he’s lucky).

This is made possible, because the publicly-funded Family Maintenance Enforcement Program will ensure that dad continues to pay for the garden plot even though he is not permitted to enter. So dad is now standing outside the barred gates of the garden.

Gramma and Grandpa have a certain amount of wisdom which comes with years of living. They know that gardening gets more difficult and that the little plants will require more diligent loving care as they grow. Gramma and Grampa also attempt to enter the garden to help water, weed and hoe.

Alas, publicly-funded Ministries of Women’s Equality, and also tax-funded women’s groups put political pressure on the tax-funded judge, and now the front gates of the garden are slammed shut on gramma and grampa as well.

By this time, the aunts, uncles,, and cousins have seen what has happened to dad, gramma and grampa, so they don’t even try to enter the locked gates …

As the plants grow larger – so do their roots expand and their needs increase.

Mom is now free to do all the gardening herself. But there is not enough hours in the day to rake, hoe, water, and weed, to till and fertilize. It’s exhausting, and she calls for help.

The long line of public-trough advisors stream in. They enter the garden through the back gate as the front gate remains firmly locked to keep out the pesky, loving, free, support that is standing there looking on with broken hearts. By this time the tender plants are experiencing serious root damage.

 

The high-price advisory gardeners spend the best part of their day hoeing and raking, but at  4 o’clock they leave for home shaking their heads at the sad situation.

The plants grow… but they are frail and shallow-rooted. A strong wind will blow them over.

Billions annually will be spent on social damage control.

Author: Lynn B. 1999

 

Reflections from an MP:
“Grandparents provide a link to our past, to our roots and
to our heritage. During everyday conversation they share the trials and joys experienced during their lives. They pass on knowledge of the ways, whys and and wherefores of previous generations and give meaning to the changes that have evolved over time.”  Margaret  Bridgman
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Viewpoint—Bill C 22

This is a contemporary submission presented by Lynn Bentz, CGRA

“Please accept my submission regarding Bill C 22. My concerns are as follows:
“BILL C 22 DOES NOTHING TO CHANGE THE ESSENCE OF SOLE CUSTODY. SOLE CUSTODY IS DETRIMENTAL TO CHILDREN OF DIVORCE. Renaming a few terms will do nothing to provide meaningful support to Canada’s lost children of separation and divorce.

“Study after study, (Sanford Braver; Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, 1998; US Dept.of Health, March 26, 1999; Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Vol 58 April 1990; The Family in America, 1988; Sara McLanahan and Gary Sadefur-Growing Up With a Single Parent 1994; Applied Social Psychology Annual Growing up in a Divorced Family, 1987; Adolescent Suicide, John Wodarski and Pamela Harris, Social Work 1987), to name only a few, have shown that children are far better off when both parents are in their lives, yet the Canadian justice system continues to hold single parenthood in highest esteem, no matter how this parenthood is attained.

“BILL  C 22 LACKS THE WRITTEN WORDS TO MAKE EFFECTUAL CHANGES that will be of benefit to the children.  It lacks the written words to:

  • EMPOWER JUDGES to ensure that children receive equal and unimpeded access to both parents and grandparents after divorce. It appears that mothers will continue to be granted residential custody/responsibility 85 percent of the time.
  • EMPOWER JUDGES to punish false allegations, access denial, and parental alienation which is currently rampant in family court and INSTRUMENTAL in separating parent from child.
  • EMPOWER CHILDREN to make their wishes known.“BRINGING MORE JUDGES AND LAWYERS AND OTHER PAID EMPLOYEES INTO THE FRAY will do nothing to help children of divorce. It will only fatten the wallets of the extraneous. unimportant, so-called stakeholder.

    “I SUGGEST THAT BILL C 22 NEEDS TO BE REVISED TO:

  • Create enforceable court orders so children may know both parents equally (i.e., : presumptive equal parenting after separation and divorce).  Children of divorce should benefit from the same basic rights as children living in two-parent families.
  • Punish false allegations already liberally used to gain sole custody, as a deterrent to wasting court time and taxpayer dollars.
  • Give children the right to a meaningful, loving, supportive, stable relationship with their grandparents and extended families.
  • Equalize the financial burdens of the parents, as it is now, the removed parent is forced to pay more than their fair share.
  • Give financial support to the children. Bill C 22, as it is presently written, will continue to funnel more of that money into the divorce machine/industry.
  • Support the changes proposed in the For the Sake of the Children document.
  • Recognize the overwhelming results of public polls that strongly support equal Parenting.
  • Recognize the overwhelming position of opposition members of Parliament (and also Liberal members) who strongly support equal parenting.
  • Recognize the support of the media for equal parenting.
    “GRAVE DAMAGE has been done to Canadian families of divorce.  There has been no leadership forthcoming through the courts or through Parliament. Instead, Canadian families of divorce have been left to flounder at the feet of small pockets of special interest groups, which is costing taxpayers billions of dollars every year.“PICTURE A FORTRESS, in which lives the mother and children.  Then picture a deep moat—dug, prepared, and filled by members of the family court system. Now see the father standing alone, outside, on the far side of the moat. He is expected to look on in mute silence, providing the tribute which keeps the moat and fortress functioning. This is what Canadian justice has created.

    “A good father is made to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and fire for his child, which he willingly does, and then made to pay $ 45,000.00 for the exercise. This is what Canadian justice does to dads over and over again.

    “As a Canadian citizen, a paternal grandmother, and a member of several funded support groups, I have respectfully presented my concerns regarding the best interests of the children.”

    Sincerely, Lynn Bentz,  CGRA

Viewpoint—Grandchildren of divorce

“When the media becomes more about ratings and power, we no longer have the news.”   Edward R. Murrow

 

Our Grandchildren Need Equal Parenting

(1999—by Lynn Bentz, CGRA Director, Kamloops)

“With so much media attention and public money spent on Nisga deals and ferry overruns, I can’t help but wonder why the government continues to ignore the scandalous trampling of human rights in this province today. The huge population of citizens known as the Non- Custodial Parent. This situation is more far-reaching, more critical, more cost consuming to the province. It gets no press, it is extremely harmful to the human spirit of those involved, and nothing is being done to change it.

“Custody and Access laws in British Columbia and indeed in all North America are in dire
need of revision. As couples separate for whatever reason, children’s needs are not being considered. While our justice system sits on their thumbs, children are suffering greatly from the irreparable loss of contact with the non-custodial parent (generally fathers but not always).

“Our system is such that it creates one winner and one loser. Both the parents love their children dearly, but only one parent wins. If the custodial parent decides they do not want interference and only financial support from the non-custodial parent they need only fire off some false allegations of physical or sexual abuse and the non-custodial parent is history. There are so many agencies in place to make that happen it can make your head spin. It is hurting a lot of good and decent people.

“God bless the parents who separate but put the needs of their children first. Unfortunately, when parents are not able to agree, there are many people who are making a good living
off of this discord. Social workers, psychologists, lawyers, etc. All consider themselves “experts” and all apply opinions and conclusions based on their own individual biases to matters in which they have no personal connection. This process is not in the best interests of the children.

“This travesty is happening nationwide on a frightening scale. Any of you who think you are the only ones (so you don’t fight it or talk about it) think again. Accusations such as these are becoming the “weapon of choice.” If you are a responsible and caring parent, it is a human rights issue. All of you non-custodial parents and grandparents who are suffering the loss of your children and grandchildren, join, or form a group. Together we must make the system change.”

 

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